Someone sent me something like this about IT techs so I set one up for imaging. Feel free to add to it.

HOW TO PLEASE YOUR IMAGING PROVIDER


1. Always call your copier tech for toner orders. We have nothing else to do all day.
2. When you call in, don’t provide a model number for the machine. We know everything about all machines from memory.
3. Always call a tech to come and change your toner. Babysitting your machine is our life.
4. When the machine displays a call for technician message, don’t record any codes that appear too. We all have ESP.
5. Be sure to jam your copier or printer between as much junk as possible. We love a challenge.
6. Don’t tell the despatcher when you call in for a tech that you also need toner. We carry every toner made with us.
7. Storing your machine in the garage during a cold winter is always good for it. Keeps it from overheating.
8. Give a minimum of information when you call for service. We love surprises.
9. Call the tech directly at lunchtime. We always get paid for lunch time and breaks are for wussies anyway.
10. Always assume your copier tech is a computer expert. That’s why we make the big bucks.
11. Always be somewhere else when you call in a tech. We can sit and drink coffee cause the rest of our calls can wait.
12. Make sure your tech knows what that “piece of crap” has being doing for the last 10 years. We so enjoy a good story.
13. Be sure to scream at the dispatcher cuz we all know about the “squeaky wheel", don’t we?
14. Don’t read that users manual. Techs realize you have no time for that and we have so much.
15. Be sure to tell us how you will have to set up a cot for us. We’ve never heard that before and it’s so hilarious.
16. Really complain about being charged if we replace a cartridge in your machine and it fixes an image problem. We know you would have figured it out yourself anyway.
17. Be sure to tell us that” this thing hasn’t worked since you were here 4 months ago” cuz we realize none of your phones work and alerting us was impossible.
18. Always use your machines as beverage tables. They are water resistant.
19. Be sure to run your originals through your document feeder stapled together. Modern document feeders come standard with staple removers.
20. Kick the crap out of that machine if it jams. It has sensors that tell it it’s bad bad machine and should work properly.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: protec,

Looks to me that where ever we are we all hear the same things. I'm going to get a copy of this and give it to a selected few of my customers with a sense of humor (and maybe to a few who don't)

Chuck, the ones that NEED to see it are the ones with no sense of humor.

I enjoyed this very much. But for my customers, I don't know. I get in trouble without even trying. Imagine if I tried! =^..^=

21. Whiteout works better when it's wet. Please use liberally and with many coats on documents and insert into ADF as SOON as you are done.
22. Place tall kitchen trash cans under finishers, it helps keep them fro falling over.
23. Place machine rear as close to a wall as possible, less air flow causes less ozone depletion and helps us keep our green rating.

24. Be sure to use the the words" oh, by the way, while your here" when we're ready to leave cause we didn't have anywhere else to go anyway.

25. now... that i have completed ur service call and everything is working very well...why dont u write a letter on my behalf, so my next evaluation looks good on my pay check next year...thanxx...



DUMMIETEK...challenges is my middle name...

And don't forget:

26. If you're the new guy and just think it would be nice to have a new copier, call for service every day saying the machine's jamming all the time. We'll get the idea and replace your 2 year old copier with a brand new one for free - even though the jam map only shows 2 jams in the document feeder in 15,000 copies.

Oh, and by the way, why do you call the tech when you run out of toner. because you MUST be calling your mechanic every time you run out of gas.

You guys actually deliver toner? You're way too leniant. We just make it standard policy that we're not a delivery service and UPS will have it there next day. Do it once for some people and they'll expect it always. And gotta' love the "while you're here......" That one is classic. I'll usually tell them they'll have to call that one in and I'll be back when I can, unless I really like them, which isn't all that common.

27. "Oh...we thought that drop down tray on the side was a book shelf. We thought it could hold an entire set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas. Good thing we have a maintenance contract."

Then it's always fun to try to explain the difference between a maint contract and an insurance policy. Tell them to break the side mirror off their car and get the dealer to replace it under warranty. Yeah, let me know how that works out for ya'.

way way way too funny!
I like when someone calls and says "its not working" and dispatch probes for more information to no avail. Then upon arriving at site to find a flashing toner light.

Or, my favorite is when a unit displays a c code in like a size 28 font thats nearly an inch high on the panel, yet the only thing they see is the micro printed call for service message.

Very Funny

28. Call us again and again for the same issues after we tell you parts are no longer available for your machine. We will whip them up in our replicator.

29. NO! I DO NOT NEED YOU TO MAKE YOUR
"TEST COPIES" FOR ME.

30. No, im not going to give you credit for the 500 copies that YOU botched up so dont ask, next time pay attention, or use your proof copy feature remember that in training? no? of course you dont.

31. Of course your fax will work reliably with that phone splitter on it! put as many splitters and credit card machines on it as you can!

We had a fiesty customer call, all hot air and bluster, demanding immediate service. Then refused to provide their name and address, and hung up!

About a week later we got a follow up call from the office manager asking when the service tech would be out. When she found out that we could not get a name or address she just laughed "That's just like him..."

Customer calls in about not able to send or recive a fax, you check the phone line and its dead. They dd not pay there phone bill, and this was a recall

32. Be sure to install an 80CPM machine in a small closet, we love spending five minutes to pull units out into hallways to work on them; not to mention we are all sadists and like being stepped on.
33. Be SURE that all attractive women wear low cut tops, it helps with our ADD.